When Concern Becomes Commentary: What Ariana Grande's Body Can Teach Us About Eating Disorders

Ariana Grande's body has once again become a topic of public conversation.

People are worried.
People are angry that people are worried.
People are defending her.
People are criticizing her.
People are diagnosing her.
People are telling everyone else to stop talking about her.

This is a conversation that does not ask simple questions, and it certainly does not provide easy or comfortable answers. Questions like: When is it appropriate to comment on someone's body? And does someone's influence or position in the public eye put them in a position to be scrutinized more?

Because as a psychologist who works with eating disorders, I don't think the answer is as simple as, “We should stop talking about bodies,” or, “She chose the spotlight.”

There is so much more nuance and gray area between those questions and their answers. And if we really want to understand the impact of these conversations, we cannot shy away from the hard parts. But being able to navigate these ideas means learning to hold more than one truth at a time. It means talking about physical health without reducing health to appearance. It means acknowledging the very real impact that body standards have on psychological health. And it means remembering that health is not only physical.

That is where this conversation gets complicated and where I think it becomes much more important than Ariana Grande herself.

We Live In A World Where Bodies Matter

Of course I wish we lived in a world where someone's body didn't determine how they were perceived, treated, valued, or discussed.

But wishing that were true doesn't make it true. We attach meaning to:

• weight

• size

• attractiveness

• aging

• fitness

• disability

• gender presentation

• perceived health

And we don't have to agree with those systems for them to affect us.

And at the same time, if we're going to talk about:

• eating disorders

• malnutrition

• obesity

• medical risk

• fitness

• nutrition

• weight-related health conditions

• body image

we are going to have to talk about bodies.

It is an incredibly difficult balance to discuss our bodies in a positive, self-loving way without negating the importance of how our bodies work. Our bodies and our health are connected. That is an undeniable fact. The issue is that our society has labeled certain bodies as “healthy” or “unhealthy” based purely on optics. We live in a world where first impressions are visual, and as humans, we want to feel as accepted as possible. So we find ourselves focusing on how our bodies look rather than how they work.

And sometimes, how our body looks is a reflection of how it is working. Sometimes there is weight gain or loss due to medical issues. Sometimes is can be reflective of a potential eating disorder or being overly stressed. And sometimes it means nothing at all.

Because sometimes body changes are clinically meaningful. And clinically meaningful does not mean morally meaningful.

A person's weight can be medically relevant without being evidence of their character. A person's body can change without them having done something wrong. A person's body can be malfunctioning without the person being unhealthy as a human being. And a person's body can look “healthy” without us knowing anything about their actual health.

Silence Isn't Always Neutral

Jameela Jamil recently made comments about Ariana Grande and her situation that I believe are worth sitting with, even if you don't agree with every part of the conversation surrounding them.

There is a growing sentiment that we simply shouldn't talk about Ariana's body. And I can very much understand that sentiment. We have spent decades, if not generations, teaching people (most particularly women) that their bodies are for consumption. We comment on weight gain, celebrate weight loss, compare bodies, critique aging, and scrutinize celebrities. We tell people that they look “healthy” when what we really mean is they look a certain way. So yes, we probably should stop.

But I don't think we can stop at “don't talk about bodies.”

We live in a culture where thinness is still frequently rewarded. Where weight loss is often met with praise. Where certain bodies are more readily represented in media than others. Where children are exposed to conversations about calories, diets, exercise, and appearance long before they have the ability to understand the implications of those messages. And we cannot pretend those messages don't exist simply because we stop saying them out loud.

This is particularly important when we talk about eating disorders. Eating disorders do not develop in a vacuum. They develop within individuals, yes, but individuals exist within families, communities, social systems, and cultures. The messages we receive about bodies become part of the way we learn to understand ourselves.

And then there is the genuine concern about someone’s health as it relates to their body. This is where the most difficult aspect of this conversation arises, where I believe Jameela’s comments are really worth reflecting on. She noted how it appears that Ariana is “possibly dying right in front of us”. She does not shame her, she is not speaking on how her body looks. She is speaking on the reality of how being malnourished and appearing as Ariana is, is dangerous. She holds Ariana’s team accountable, because the people closest to her should be the one’s ensuring she is taken care of, especially if she cannot take care of herself. Now, Jameela also notes she is not trying to diagnose her and she is just making observations, so we cannot take what she says as medical fact or support. But we can continue to think about and reflect on her thoughts to build a greater conversation around this topic.

If we do not talk about Ariana and her body, we may be ignoring a very real situation that could be detrimental. It also may promote people to think that how she looks (and what it takes to look like that) is truly healthy. And this is why it is so hard to have this conversation - because if we stop talking about it, people believe it acceptable. But if we do talk about it, it draws even more attention (and potential harm) to her and her body.

So, I don't think the answer is to stop talking. I think the answer is to start talking differently.

There Is A Difference Between Talking About Ariana and Talking About What Ariana's Situation Brings Up

The most important distinction in this conversation to me is how we are talking about this - are we talking about Ariana’s body or are we talking about the situation?

Because someone hearing us talk about her body may walk away thinking that body image is the core of this issues. They may walk away thinking about their own body. They may hear that thinness is desirable. That weight loss is newsworthy. That bodies are constantly being watched. That changes in appearance are something other people are entitled to evaluate. That health has a particular look. That being smaller might mean being more accepted, more beautiful, more successful, or more worthy of concern.

And even when the original intention was compassion, the message can become something entirely different.

But there is a difference between just talking about someone’s body and using their situation as an opportunity to talk about the realities of eating disorders.

We can say that severe malnutrition can have serious medical consequences without deciding that we know whether Ariana is malnourished. We can talk about the dangers of eating disorders without deciding that Ariana has one. We can talk about the cultural glorification of thinness without deciding that Ariana's body is evidence of that glorification. And we can acknowledge that people are genuinely concerned about her health without turning that concern into an evaluation of her worth, her appearance, or her choices. That distinction matters because concern and commentary can look remarkably similar from the outside.

We also can acknowledge that as someone in the public eye, Ariana is someone who holds a level of power and influence when it comes to style, fads, and overall image. Ariana Grande has millions of people watching her. Her clothing becomes inspiration. Her makeup becomes trends. Her hairstyles become replicated. Her image becomes something that other people consume, recreate, and aspire to. That doesn't make her responsible for what every person does with that influence. But it does mean that we cannot completely separate celebrity culture from the way people learn what is desirable.

Being in the public eye does not mean someone forfeits their humanity, their privacy, or their right to be treated with compassion. But it does mean that what happens in that spotlight can have an impact far beyond the individual. And when we focus on what her situation brings up and how conversations around eating disorders are had, we are moving in the right direction. If we focus solely on her body and talking about her body, we may be missing the point entirely.

Health Is Not Just One Thing

There is another piece of this conversation that I don't want us to lose.

We can talk about health. We should talk about health. But we need to be very careful about what we mean when we use that word. Health is not a compliment, it is not an aesthetic, it is not a body type, and it is certainly not a measure of someone's worth.

When we tell someone they “look healthy,” what exactly are we commenting on? Their weight? Their skin? Their body composition? Their energy? Their appearance? And if we are basing that judgment on appearance alone, are we actually talking about health at all?

This is particularly important in eating-disorder treatment because I see how complicated the word healthy can become. We need to be able to talk honestly about physical health without turning physical appearance into a measure of whether someone is doing life “right.”

I don't think the answer is to never comment on bodies. I don't think the answer is to comment freely because someone is famous. And I don't think the answer is to pretend that bodies, health, eating disorders, or cultural beauty standards don't exist.

The goal is to stop believing that a body tells us everything we need to know about a person.

Ariana Grande chose the spotlight. She did not choose every consequence that came with it. And if she is experiencing an eating disorder, she did not choose that illness either.

But her situation has given us an opportunity to have a much bigger conversation about eating disorders, about health, about influence, about beauty standards, and about the messages we send to the people watching us.

So perhaps we don't need to ask whether we should be talking about Ariana Grande's body. Perhaps we should be asking: What are we teaching people when we do? Because we may not be able to live in a world where bodies don't matter. But we can work toward a world where people matter more than their bodies.

Before You Go, Consider This…

We may not be able to control the conversations people have about bodies, but we can be intentional about the conversations we contribute to. Before you comment, share, defend, criticize, or even quietly compare, take a moment to consider what your words might reinforce…for yourself and for the people reading them.

• Am I talking about someone’s health, or am I making assumptions based on their appearance?

• What message about bodies, beauty, or health might someone else take away from what I’m saying?

• Am I contributing to a culture that teaches people their bodies are constantly being watched and evaluated?

• Can I acknowledge genuine concerns about health without turning someone’s body into a diagnosis?

• What would it look like to care about the person more than I care about their body?